


To See The Dawn Of Overmorrow

by apostate (394percentdone)



Series: Tales of a Tabris [9]
Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Angst, M/M, this hurts but ends on a possibly hopeful note!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-19
Updated: 2019-01-19
Packaged: 2019-10-12 20:06:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,949
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17474147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/394percentdone/pseuds/apostate
Summary: Ellanis deals with the fallout of learning how to kill the archdemon





	To See The Dawn Of Overmorrow

Cold stone against his back, darkness in the unlit room. Arms wrapped around himself, head tucked between his knees, Ellanis shudders with the force of his terror, his fury. Hot tears streaking on his cheeks and his lungs heave. He had been told thirty years. Thirty years before the blight would catch up with him, thirty years in which to live his life and before it seemed a blessing. A freedom from the alienage he thought he would die in. 

But now, thirty years has been reduced to a single night.

Ellanis knows out of the three of them he is the most expendable. Riordan is the senior most grey warden in Fereldan, Alistair has training and youth, and him? Ellanis is an elf, a mage, and a cripple. His life is the only thing he can give. Breath catching in his throat, hiccups against his knees to try and keep them silent. He can’t have anyone find him, not here, not now. Ellanis squeezes his eyes shut. 

One long shaky inhale, salt on his lips. Breathe. He needs to calm the raging terror in his core, not sure if he’s more afraid of dying or of doing so without telling-  _ Oh Maker. _ Exhales. Rough and jagged and Ellanis can feel it tear loose from somewhere deep in his chest. He can't tell him. Ellanis can’t even  _ think _ about it- not about the way the words would stick in his throat, or how he wouldn’t be able to hold back yet more tears, and especially not- 

Shivers. Raises his head and scrubs at his eyes with the back of his hands. Ellanis won’t think of the way Zevran would break before his eyes, a tremor in his hands to match Ellanis’ own as he tells him. Or worse, if Zevran wouldn’t care, would laugh him off or tell him to stop saying such things. No. Ellanis leans his head back against the cold stone behind him, legs still drawn up against his chest, breaths still coming short and fast. 

Bites his lip to keep from screaming.  _ It isn’t fair. _ Takes a deep breath and holds it in his chest, stills. What is one more death, one more casualty in a war which otherwise will have no end. A sacrifice, justified and righteous and Ellanis is so  _ scared. _ Lets his breath fall away from him in a rushed huff of horrified air, wipes at his cheeks to try and erase the trails of salt there. He’s taken enough time already to wallow, they’ll be looking for him soon. 

Picks up his cane and forces himself to stand. Once more taking a shuddering breath, in and out. Slow and easy. Faked self-assurance. One step at a time. Ellanis steals his way out of the unused room he found, ducks down the corridors back to the room he shares with Zevran. Heart pounding in his chest, above all he can’t let Zevran know. 

Cruel, he thinks. It is cruel of him to do this but what choice does he have? Share his secret, the knowledge he’ll be dead before he sees the sunset tomorrow and that it will be  _ worth it _ ? Or keep it locked away inside him, keep the smile in Zevran’s eyes alive while he can see it. Ellanis knows he isn’t strong enough to weather shattering both his dreams and Zevran’s in the same breath. 

Presses the door open, winces when it creaks. Catches sight of Zevran sitting on the bed, looking at his hands before he flicks his gaze towards the door, towards Ellanis. A relieved smile growing on Zevran’s face and already Ellanis’ resolve feels weak. Zevran rises, shuffles with something in his hands but Ellanis isn’t paying him much attention. Just walks over, slow steps all he can manage. 

“Ellanis I-” Zevran reaches out a hand, grasps Ellanis’ wrist and Ellanis meets his eyes. “‘I’ve been thinking. About what you said, and you were right.” Bright gold gaze, warm and hopeful and Ellanis is crumbling. In Zevran’s free hand, open between them, a gold earring sitting on his palm. Ellanis’ breath catches, throat raw and aching. “You said you wanted a future, a promise no?” The sincerity in Zevran’s voice hits Ellanis like a blow. 

“That sounds like a proposal Zevran.”

A future. Ellanis could laugh, could cry, could rage at the Maker for his ugly sense of humor. A future is all Ellanis had  _ ever _ wanted and now it is right there in front of him. He opens his mouth, finds he has no words, no air in his lungs. Shuts it just as quickly. Zevran cannot know. Ellanis will not take the hope from his eyes until he is no longer there to see it leave them. 

Zevran’s hand sliding down from his wrist to twine their fingers together. “It’s meant to.” Air stilling around them, a hesitance to Zevran’s touch. “Will you take it?”

“ _ Yes _ .” Whispered more than spoken, a breath and a lie and an acceptance all in the same measure. “Yes, Zevran always.” Steels himself as Zevran’s smile grows so bright it could blind him. Shuts his eyes against the threat of new tears as Zevran crushes Ellanis against his chest, arms around him in a circle Ellanis had always found safe. 

Zevran’s lips against his temple, a kiss too tender for Ellanis. “I am yours, amor.” Nearly too much, Ellanis’ heart in his chest is cracking, splintering, and still beating though it bleeds. A warm touch against his ear, cold metal slipping through the pierced flesh. 

Please,  _ please. _ He cannot know. “Will you take me to the ocean?” Eyes still closed, Ellanis squeezes his fingers around Zevran’s. “I’ve always wanted to see a sunset over the sea.” Truth hiding fear, the tremble in his voice could be mistaken for excitement at a dream coming true. But Zevran’s hand slides from his ear to his cheek, thumb swiping over the tracks of dried salt Ellanis tried so hard to wipe away.

The whole of him shivers now, Ellanis can feel Zevran’s gaze searching his face. “What’s wrong caro mio?” A breath so sharp it aches in his teeth, opens his eyes to find Zevran’s looking into his, a vulnerability in them Ellanis doesn’t remember ever seeing before. “Ellanis? Tell me, what has you crying. It is nothing you cannot overcome hm?”

Is it crueler, Ellanis wonders, to know he will be dead tomorrow or is it worse to know Zevran will have to live on without him. 

There is no guarantee either of them will survive tomorrow. Zevran could just as easily fall to a shriek’s talons or a hurlock’s arrow or an ogre's blow tomorrow. Alistair or Riordan may beat him to the archdemon. Ellanis gasps, low and wet. He has to make it. if only one of them can see the dawn of overmorrow Ellanis prays it is Zevran. 

“Zevran..” It’s weak. Ellanis drops his head to the crook of Zevran’s neck, breathes in the scent of him. Familiar, safe. “You do not want to know this.” Murmured into his skin, quivering words in the candlelight of their shared room. 

Zevran drops his hand from Ellanis’ cheek, slips it around his waist and picks him up instead. Carries him the handful of steps to their bed, sets him down gently. “I would know whatever your burden if I could help ease it.” Lets go of Ellanis’ hand, fingers untangling. “Tell me.”

A shake of Ellanis’ head, breaks his gaze from Zevran’s to stare at the floor instead. “Don’t. Zevran, don’t put me in this position.” Throat closing, eyes burning once more. “Knowing won’t help.” There isn’t anything that can help, Ellanis knows it in the pit of his stomach, in the hollow cavities of his chest. 

Fingers under his chin, forcing Ellanis to look up and meet Zevran’s eyes. Finds a veiled fear in them and Ellanis knows it is his fault for not keeping better secrets. He should have lied, he should have smiled. He could have had a future with Zevran and he should have lied about seeing it. Lips parted, eyes wide and wet. Ellanis all but begs Zevran to drop it but knows he won’t now. 

“Tell me Ellanis.” 

Heart finally shattering. Is it too much to ask? To hope he can still grasp that future with both hands and rip it from the cruel Maker who dangled it in front of him. Ellanis feels the first hot tear slip down his cheek and knows he is lost. “It’s about the battle, tomorrow. There is a reason why wardens are the only ones who can kill an archdemon.” 

Zevran’s eyebrow raises but he says nothing. Just lets Ellanis pull his words together, sits down next to him on the bed and pulls Ellanis onto his lap, turns so they’re slotted together. Ellanis tucked against Zevran’s chest, arms encircling him and again Ellanis knows he is safe. 

“Both of them die. The archdemon and the warden who kills it.” Zevran is warm against him but Ellanis is cold, a hard knot in his stomach. And Zevran stills at Ellanis’ words.  Ellanis pushes the rest out in a rush, unable to hold them back now. “And I’m the obvious choice. There are only three wardens left in Ferelden, and I’m the one who wouldn’t be missed.” Rising hysteria in his voice, in the way Ellanis starts to shake, a quiver through the length of him as his body betrays his terror. 

The air is forced from his lungs in a wet huff as Zevran’s arms around him tighten until it’s almost painful. “No.” Steel in his grip matched by his tone, “You are wrong, caro mio, about not being missed.” 

Ellanis laughs, high and ragged around the edges. He knows he isn’t wrong, he knows he is the one who should make the sacrifice, he knows in the empty chambers of his heart and the hollowness in his lungs he  _ has  _ to be the one. “By who Zevran? By the wardens? The Fereldan wardens are all dead and the others know how it works. By the alienage? I was more of a burden to them than I was anything else, you saw how well Soris and my father are doing without me. By-”

“By me.” Zevran cuts him off, one hand coming up to cup his jaw as his thumb comes to rest against the earring Zevran had just placed in his ear. Ellanis flicks his eyes up, meets Zevran’s gaze with his heart in his throat. “I am yours, amor. Whether or not you are around to be mine.” Golden eyes blurred by tears. Ellanis blinks but he can’t clear his vision. 

Slowly, softly, Ellanis shakes his head. Raises shaking hands to Zevran’s face and pulls him down for a desperate kiss. Salt on his lips, an extinguished hope in the way Zevran holds him. Weeps with it, the air in Ellanis’ lungs sits heavy in his chest and he kisses Zevran as if it’s the last time he’ll get the chance. A future reduced to a single night. No heat to it, no desire for something more. Their kiss is softened by their tears and Ellanis tries not to think about it being their last. 

Trembling hands moving across his skin, down his throat to his shoulders. Zevran's fingers pressing into his back in harsh points. Grounding. Breaking their kiss Ellanis pulls back, finds Zevran's cheeks shimmer in the candlelight with a dampness matched by Ellanis’ own tears. He reaches up with a steady and calm hand to cup Zevran’s cheek. 

Empty voids in the center of him opening up to swallow them both whole, a future he cannot escape. “I’m sorry.” Voice aching, cold fear infusing his lungs, Ellanis accepts the terror and the knowledge he will not see another dawn after tomorrows. 

Zevran shakes his head and digs his fingers into Ellanis’ back. “There has to be something we can do. A way out somewhere.” His eyes are wide and redness is building in their corners. 

Earlier, alone and in the dark, Ellanis thought much the same. Hoped and prayed and screamed for there to be anything he could do. Cried until his voice gave out with the last of the hope in his heart. There was nothing for him now. No future, no love, no dawn. Only death remained.

“There isn’t Zev, I couldn’t- Nothing there is nothing Riordan is expecting one of us to die tomorrow and it has to be me. It has to be-” Ellanis breaks, shatters completely. Glass shards of his heart splinter through his chest, rupture his lungs and all at once Ellanis’ terror boils into fury. “Don’t you get it! Don’t you see?! There is  _ nothing _ I can do and tomorrow I will kill the archdemon and stop the blight and it will kill me.” 

Dropping his hands from Zevran’s cheek Ellanis shoves them into his chest, fingers curling into fists shaking alongside his voice. “I’m the expendable one, I’m the mage, the elf. Look at me! I can’t even face an honorable death without fucking dissolving Zev! I get to die tomorrow because the Maker is cruel and heartless and does not care about the sinners.” 

Zevran catches his weak fists in his hands. “Listen to yourself! You have already given up amor, you do not think about what can be done. This isn’t like you.” Gold eyes forcing grey ones to look up, bringing him back to the present. “You are scared for a future you do not know to be true. Battle is dangerous for everyone in it, there are no guarantees for anyone.” 

Air turning to stone in his lungs Ellanis shudders and closes his eyes. Shakes his head. “You’re wrong. Love, I know you’re wrong.” The whole of him is quivering, hot anger burning in his eyes and in the back of his throat. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore. There is nothing to be done.” 

Unfolding Ellanis’ hands Zevran places them on the bed and stands. Turns his back to Ellanis with shoulders tense enough for the muscles there to bunch into cords. Hands by his side flexing and Ellanis can hear the sharp exhale through his nose. 

“You are a stubborn ass sometimes do you know that Ellanis?” Words tight and clipped Zevran doesn’t face him. “Did you even  _ try _ anything? Or did you simply give up because you don’t think you are even worth saving? Did you think about anyone else? Did you think about what would happen to the rest of us if you died.” Cracking, crumbling around the edges. Ellanis can’t see Zevran’s face but he knows in the center of his chest, in the beating of his heart, Zevran is just as broken as he is.

“Did you think about what would happen to  _ me _ if you died?” Zevran nearly doesn’t finish the sentence and Ellanis breaks further. Smaller and smaller pieces left. His cane by the dresser so he can’t even reach Zevran where he stands, alone and shivering, in the center of the room. Can only watch as his shoulders shake and he brings his hands up to cover his face. 

The Maker must hate him, why else would he give Ellanis everything only to take it all away with a single fatal blow. Born a sinner marked with magic, born with pointed ears in a holy city Ellanis was never deserved to see a happy ending.

Swallowing the pride lodged in his throat Ellanis bunches the sheets under his hands uselessly. “I’m sorry. Zevran I-” Cuts himself off, what would be the point in telling Zevran a truth he already knows one bringing only more pain. But Ellanis knows he’s more selfish than cruel. “Do you really think I wouldn’t care about you? That I would forget about you and care only about myself?”

Shakes his head hard enough for his eyes to swim. Or maybe its tears blurring his vision. “Because you’d be wrong again.”

“And you still do nothing to fight for yourself Ellanis!” Spinning on his heel Zevran rounds back to Ellanis. Thick tears on his cheeks down his jaw, lips pulled back in a snarl. “You gave up! You are still giving up!” His whole body shakes with his words. Zevran stalks over and grips Ellanis’ shoulders. “You are still breathing and that means I still have hope. Where is your’s amor? Where is the man who reached out to me and told me death is a waste? I fell in love with him, the strength that pulled me out of the darkness I had thrown myself into. Not this man who has told me there is nothing he can do to save himself.”

Salt on his lips and hope in his heart. Ellanis reaches out and wraps his arms around Zevran’s waist, buries his head into his stomach. Nods once. “Okay. Okay, okay” Repeated like a lifeline, a litany. Shaking and breaking and trusting Ellanis’ tears fall faster for the weight of Zevran’s arms around him. 

Nothing is guaranteed. Ellanis may reach the archdemon first and he may be the one to die with it. But maybe he won’t. Maybe Ellanis will watch from a different battle as the archdemon is killed by Alistair or by Riordan and the Blight will end without him. Maybe he will see the dawn crest over the horizon through the broken and bloody horns of the creature looming in his nightmares. Maybe he will wear a golden earring and watch the sunset over an ocean on a beach empty save for himself and the one he calls my love. 

 


End file.
